


Alive

by Captain_CloudWolf



Category: depression - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 10:42:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10161371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_CloudWolf/pseuds/Captain_CloudWolf
Summary: A poem I wrote late at night when I was feeling down.  Read it, if you want.





	

Silver blade, red line.  
One drop, thin, too fine.  
Not enough, deeper into the skin,  
Every cut numbs the pain within.   
Every mark, every scar,  
Makes us into who we are  
So where does that leave me?  
Depression is not who I want to be.   
It should be perfect, this life of mine  
Instead it feels like I’m doing time  
For a crime that I did not commit  
I didn’t ask to be this unfit  
I didn’t ask to fall apart  
I didn’t ask for ice in my heart.   
A numbing feeling that’s quite divine,  
Until I must answer, “yes, I’m fine.”  
I didn’t ask for sleepless nights  
And I didn’t ask for endless fights  
The fight of will I leave my room today  
The fight of having nothing to say  
So now all I want to do is hide  
Hide from the people to which I’ve lied.  
They deserve better than what I can give  
They deserve a daughter who wants to live.  
These thoughts tend to run and run and run  
They circle back to how I’m just done.  
How I’ve let everyone down and given up hope  
Of ever coming back and being able to cope.  
So here I sit, alone in my bed  
With a knife to my skin, and these thoughts in my head.  
I must write them down or they haunt my dreams  
Even in my sleep I’m falling through the seams.   
Goodnight and goodbye, these words that I’m seeing  
For the next few hours, I’ll enjoy not being.   
The justification is, I don’t want to die  
But if I died in my sleep, I wouldn’t quite mind.  
As I finally sleep, I’ll leave you with this  
If I were to die, Who would you miss?   
The A/B student who’s finally died?  
The Equestrian girl who’s struggling with pride?   
The swimmer who hasn’t touched water in months?  
The shy little girl who’s still somehow too blunt?  
So many personas I let people see  
If I knew you at all, who were you to me?   
Did you truly know me, did you see past the lie?  
The biggest one of all, that I was doing “fine”?  
Did you see I was failing and falling fast?  
Did you step in and speak up or just walk past?

In the end, there’s still cuts on my ankle and wrist  
There’s still many classes that I’ve missed.   
Many tests I took I failed to pass  
Many things I did that failed to last  
People I let down just by existing…  
But, at least, I’m persisting.  
I am alive, and that is enough.   
Even though life is still dreadfully tough.   
Even though I cannot fully thrive,  
Today, at least, I am alive.


End file.
